Somewhere in my childhood, my family started poking fun at anyone who would just say, "Well..." by retorting, "Now that's a deep subject." *insert hee-haw slap on the knee*
But honestly, I can't tell you how many times Steve and I have tried to begin conversation about life with a third babe in the house with "Well..." and get stuck there. Absolutely lost in thought. Almost totally overwhelmed with imagining what life is going to look like for our family in six months.
As many of you have seen or heard by now, we are indeed expecting our third child to be born on January 11 of 2013. I am currently in my 14th week of the pregnancy and am very glad to be entering the second trimester. I go to the doctor tomorrow for a check-up and to set the date for our next appointment to find our what we're having! And to answer all the questions/comments about being sure there aren't two more, we are SURE that there is only one babe in the womb. We had the sonographer double check. :)
We've known we were expecting since the week before Mother's Day and chose to keep the news to ourselves for quite a few reasons, one of the main ones being miscarriage. On the heels of a high risk pregnancy and ending the nursing phase of the twinks' diet, my hormones were still a bit off kilter which could have very likely led to my inability to facilitate a healthy pregnancy. So, not that we wouldn't be open about trials and hardships that God allows us to be sifted through in life, we just felt it a wise choice for us to keep info-spreading for a later date. Also, quite honestly, I did not handle the news of the positive pregnancy test very well. Tears that I cried were not tears of joy. If I was in control of my life, I would have waited for the next child to be born after the girls were out of diapers, potty trained, and bit more independent so as to be able to better communicate and help out a bit with taking care of themselves.
At this point I think it goes without saying that we were not planning on having another baby right now. But to say that this baby was an 'accident' seems very harsh to me. Unplanned by our brains? Yes. A Resounding YES! But accident by no means. I have been sharply reminded how much God is in control and I am not. He knows the plans He has for me! I do not. He has crafted me in such a way to be able to raise my family in this time frame. His strength and grace will be sufficient because mine is not. I look to the future and smile and am not afraid, because God has a grand adventure waiting for me to be a vessel to shine His glory. I look forward as we await this next season of life. As the lyrics to a dear friend's song echo Psalm 27: I will wait on You/ I will be strong/ and take heart/ I will wait.
My life is not my own.