wo-OAH here he comes

36 weeks and 4 days.

This time last pregnancy I was holding two little teeny weeny babies in my arms. I can’t believe that I’m already at this point with little brother. I had what I believe will be my last check-up yesterday. My heart rate was great. Brother’s heart rate was great. He is head down and VERY low. And wouldn’t ya know, I’m already progressing. 2 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced.

When the doctor told me the update, I was SO excited and even relieved to a certain degree. Then my brain started going through every detail that ‘needs’ to be in place for this baby to come. I’m scheduled for my last sonogram on the 27th, but of course I’m constantly wondering if I’ll even make it that far. I’m currently washing carseat and changing pad covers. I realized that if I go in to labor before friday, Steve’s parents are out of the country and mine are 8 hours away, so we kind of need to have someone lined up to come take care of our girls at a moment’s notice. Before last night, I didn’t even have a hospital bag packed or a ‘coming home’ outfit picked out for brother. Obviously, we haven’t settled on a name. I have in my own heart. But we’ll see what happens. ;) My floors are disgusting. My guest bathroom is overrun with the girls’ toys and toothbrushes and lotion and conditioner, and I would rather it have fresh clean white linens hung and stocked up in the cabinets! Haha I need to go on a huge grocery trip to stock up on meal supplies for both the girls and my parents when they come stay with us. We need to hang the door to the guest room so that they have some privacy! I would like to buy one of those cozy little carseat inserts and strap covers for brother so he stays snug as a bug this winter. The mattress to his crib just shipped yesterday. I’d like to have his cool IKEA leaf hung in his room, but we can’t seem to settle on a great placement for it. I’d like to stock up on a few more diapers and wipes for all the kids. I would love to have a few freezer meals prepared and tucked away. Oh, I’d really like to snag a moby wrap to be able to wear brother around. I want to find a good deal on a mirror to hang over the sink in the basement so it feels nice and new and clean down there as a guest area. Shoot, I’d just love to redo the whole sink area… Oh yeah, laundry. Ha!  I want to hold my girls all day and climb in to their little cribs and snuggle them while they nap. I want to freeze every moment they do something sweet and cute and ornery and never forget the way they look right now.  I would love for it to just snow. I’d like to give Zekers a REALLY good bath and cut his mangy little claws and wash his bed so that he smells/looks/feels great. I want to go on a date with Steve. I want to serve him an awesome meal and rub HIS feet and shoulders and not have him feel like I’m going to fall to pieces every night when he gets home! I’m REALLY excited about seeing a little boy in our house. I am overwhelmed with imagining what he looks like. I want to know his personality and kiss his little lips. I’m so thankful for every time that I’ve gotten to hear his heart beat, but I cannot wait to FEEL it! I am ABUNDANTLY thankful that my girls are sleeping soundly and my house is quiet right now.

..this has been my brain since yesterday afternoon..

I cried out to the Lord, and He heard me. His mercies were new again today, and He has poured out His grace on my crazy little heart. He keeps whispering to me, “I’ve got it. I’ve got you. You need only be still.” So be still my wayward heart, and know that He is God.