6.02.2010

"out of the habit"

     Easily for the last month or so, I've been in one of the most apathetic states of my life. Complacency was my leprosy. And I find it very ironic that around the beginning of these days unfolding I had written this quote in my journal:
a lifestyle of believing God makes you bolder in your love for others and in what you can believe God for in their lives. -beth moore
     Now let me expound on the irony. Instead of grasping on to that truth and letting it soak in to be lived out, I very harshly rejected it. Subconsciously I honestly thought that in my months of living in a new place feeling as though not much has prospered, why should I try to love others who don't want to love me? I need a job, but no one has contacted to even say I'm under or over qualified. If I'm offered a job, can I even accept knowing all the places I'll be traveling to this year? And where are the friendships that really go deep? I knew I needed help living in and extending the mercy and grace God had shown me. But I SHO NUF did not want to even try. Goodness, my selfishness and arrogance was (and is and will be, I'm sure) absolutely suffocating.
     So I simply muddled through those passing days crying out here and there for God to meet the needs that I thought were important. All the while He was setting the stage to meet the needs that were essential to our relationship's vitality. (Hebrews 8.12) Well that was around the end of April. So at the beginning of May, and only a page later in my journal, I proceeded to ask for consistency in my life. (James 1.26-27) Guess what? Didn't come. That was May 4th. Then I found myself on May 27th laying in my bedroom floor listening to music re-reading my journal realizing how pathetic I thought I'd become, only to realize later that I've always been. I'm not consistent. I don't remember things I've learned. I've forgotten who God is and what He is all about. (head vs. heart ...) I was becoming exactly who I never wanted to be.
     Then God rocked my world. On the day marking 25 years since my birth, I had a new fresh breath of life breathed into my lungs. I had the privilege of delving into the Word with friends and fellow worshippers at FBC Rogers while being taught God's glorious truths by my 'faja' and pastor Wes George. I will simply bullet the rest and let you tie your own conclusions together. It shouldn't be that hard. But I hope this hits you anew as it did me!
  • growth and grace should continue in the life of the redeemed.
  • salvation is the PROCESS (it takes time y'all) by which God redeems His creation. (justification, sanctification, glorification) It is rooted in His Character. It is all about Him. (Rom. 3.21-25; Is 64.6; Eph. 2.1-2)
  • the problem is realizing how needy we are. we need Jesus to live out his purpose through us, redeeming fellowship w/ God for HIS glory. (Mk. 10.45; Lk. 19.10; Jn 1.29)
  • faith is NEVER intellectual ascent or historical acknowledgment.
  • i MUST keep reminding myself of my former days. (Hebrews 10.32-39) i was enlightened! i was brought out of darkness into Marvelous light when i came to know Christ.
  • i have and will endure sufferings. there was a time when i was willing to suffer for the cause of Christ. It didn't matter what everybody else thought. i need to remember that.
  • i need to stop crying and start asking myself, ' what does God want to teach me through this today?'
  • i HAVE to remember or else i will drift (like i did for daaaaays!). HERE'S THE KICKER PEOPLE: KNOWING what i'm SUPPOSED to do and NOT DOING IT is WILLFUL SINNING!!!
  • care has to go beyond emotion to action and activity, even when it costs me.
  • i need to remind myself of the future. my life is about the King and His Kingdom!
  • have confidence in GOD.
  • i didn't get "out of the habit." i quit believing God. (James 1.6) faith doesn't allow doubt to keep me from obeying. abiding in faith perserves me. (Heb 2.3-4 = Rom. 10.37)
whew. all of that in one day. God does speak.