perspective

I am a happy person (crazy, silly, insert whatever upbeat adjective you desire...). but honestly, most of the time, my heart absolutely aches. Very literally, it physically aches within me. It is truly the joy of the Lord that keeps me going which comes in many forms! My favorite of which is the encouragement that my dearest sends my way in his prayers over me at night.

But if you have ever spent any amount of time actually investing in me as your friend, sister, daughter, or even mere acquaintance, you will have found that my heart breaks easily [and largely over the sin and brokenness in our world and its devastating ramifications on the lives of God's precious creation]. (I can't even read the story of Jesus' birth at family Christmas without breaking into tears!) I am so thankful for His [heart-wrenching] perspective shifts. I am reminded of God's Word and His promises of provision for our lives through His stories in her and her. (Note: reading these stories will take time and a tissue.) And even His story in her. Soli Deo Gloria.

But let me entertain your thoughts with an analogy set before me personally yesterday morning. After reading James 1.2-4 and 12, God quickly allowed me to put my faith in action. On my way to help a friend clean some houses, my car died just as I was pulling up to an intersection. I quickly flipped the hazards on, turned the car off, then cranked it again in time to get through the light and make it a safe distance away to pull over. My small trial as it was slowly faded in my mind while I stood on the side of the road and watched countless numbers of cars drive past. (Ok, I'm sure there were over 100.) However, the more I watched, the more I noticed the people noticing me and their expressions or the lack thereof. Some tried very hard to act like I wasn't there as they passed. Others gawked, while a few did express a look of concern. But out of all the cars that passed only 3 actually stopped and the one because it was his job as he worked for I-DOT. (This story sounding familiar at all yet?)


My mind started racing as the Spirit brought back flashes of memories of passing people by feeling pity for them but doing nothing. I thought about conversations had discussing the threat of safety when you help "people like that," and how those conversations WREAKED of self-preservation and comfort. Like Francis Chan points out in his book Crazy Love, we with good intentions (and in our western frame of mind) find ourselves praying for safety, when in True reality a heart that is ablaze for the glory of God only requests that they be given a glorious occasion to make Him known. God will always allow circumstances to come into our lives giving us the opportunity to choose between claiming every shred of right of pride, dignity, and safety (that we don't have) or claiming Him no matter the cost. Is your heart ablaze?


I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame,
I’d rather be true to His holy name.

Than to be a king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin’s dread sway,
I’d rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.

of these i am aware

Imperfect and impatient; Always trying to fix it (you, me, them). Controlling and selfish. Lazy. Judgmental. Competitive and comparative. Flustered, frustrated, discontent, and confused. Wanting so badly to be liked and to be funny; To be remembered and approved. Materialistic. Discouraging and discouraged.

No longer a slave to those things of the flesh and of sin and darkness. Now nobility in the glorious kingdom of God, of light, and of righteousness. Made a daughter of the Most High King with His eternal kingdom purpose. I am His precious bride. I have taken His name! Redeemed and adopted. Made alive with Christ. Co-heir with Christ. Loved with the same Love that loves Christ. Daily restored, healed, and conformed by discipline for godliness - to shine like You. Known intimately. Protected. Defended. Wooed and pursued. Filled with the supernatural power of the Spirit for strength and hope. Given unwavering promises of life abundant, love eternal, and joy unspeakable.
I have not been let go. I have been accepted and approved.
In me You take delight.

going once, going twice ...

... and sold! Remember that antique chest of drawers that I painted red then antiqued with a dark walnut stain? Check this out to see what I'm talking about. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I sold that bad boy on craigslist in one short day! Steve thinks that I sold myself short. He suggested that I market my items as functional pieces of art. The purchaser isn't just buying furniture. They are investing in a piece of art into which I poured my blood sweat and tears! (ok, only in SOME did I invest my blood and tears. Mostly just sweat. Is that gross?) Honestly, I'm not too concerned with it all because it is more than likely the first and last piece I will sell. Although, I have to admit that craigslist is full of shopping adventure and wonder! Maybe even a little bit of angst as well.
All day long I was battling thoughts of some crazy person calling me up saying they wanted the dresser, but really they were going to come to my house and kidnap me. True story. I've heard of this happening before. But yet, here I am writing to you (knowing you will read this and identify with having thought the very same things!!!). I must say that making this one sale has been the short lived highlight of my day. Short lived because I currently feel like what a hangover supposedly feels like due to my 5am rising to work out with my sisterfriend Julie. I love her. I like to work out. I do not love the after effects of working out at 5am.
I will however appreciate being in shape when Steve and I begin trying to have kids. And I did enjoy creating something in which someone else delighted. For now, though, I'll focus my hope and energy on teaching voice. What a joy!

common sense vs. intelligence

Yesterday I had the privilege of subbing for a BGV on Austin's team. I guess my brain is still in cra-cra land because during the second service after the third song in the set, I put my mic up and went to the bathroom. Seems totally normal except for the fact that there was still a fourth song to be sung during that set. I thought it was over, and I had to go ...

whirlwind

Life has been a little cra-cra to say the least. In August I've been able to spend a much needed vacation with my earthly beloved for our one year anniversary, traveled to North Carolina to lead worship (all by my lonesome!) for a girls' conference, traveled to Kansas City (Missouri AND Kansas!) for one of my absolute dearest friend's wedding showers, and traveled to Iowa two nights in a row for one of Harvest Bible's youth kickoff events.  This weekend, thankfully we will stay home together only to pack it all up and head to Arkansas for Labor day.

I have been emptied out, yet my cup runneth over.

Each of these events could honestly merit a lengthy blog post. But for some reason my brain likes to operate in a way so that everything is pulled together by similarities in a clear and concise way. (I know VERY RARELY do I every actually communicate those clear and concise thoughts because my brain is ALWAYS going. It gets muddled sometimes.)

Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
To tell of all You've done.
Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
To sing of Your great love!

one year anniversary

Image via Wikipedia

My husband and I spent the past 5 days on vacation celebrating the fact that we made it through our first year of marriage. It. Was. Wonderful.
We fished. We tanned. We skied. We ate. We loved. He is indeed my best friend. What can I say? But please, tell me this. Raise your hand if you've ever been given a massage table as a gift!!! What an awesome investment in our marriage!

mundane

I'm a fan of dictionary.com and have been since college. And in a small way I continue my education through its word-of-the-day. (p.s. if you know me and have never heard the word-of-the-day joke, make me tell it to you. it's a fav.) At any rate, dictionary.com tells me that the meaning of mundane is of or pertaining to this world or earth as contrasted with heaven; worldly or earthly. Synonyms also include secular or temporal. 

Now, in my little pea brain, I always thought mundane to be that of something boring and lethargic, which is what my days are beginning to feel like within the past week. So with that in mind, I read this quote from a friend of a friend on a friend's blog (ya dig?):

If God doesn’t rule your mundane,

then He doesn’t rule you, 

because that’s where you live.

 So then in my head I started this dialogue with God that went a little something like this, "God, how exactly do you rule my mundane? My days are filled with nothingness and boredom. Why am I living in nothingness and boredom? How does that glorify you? How are you ruling that? Why is connecting with people so hard? Why haven't I heard back form any jobs? Why why blah blah blah, etc." Lots of questions.

Then I read what mundane really means. And it almost instantaneously flipped my perspective off of my measly self and back to a glorious God! My life is mundane!!! But no longer in the sense that I had perceived. My life was being lived in nothingness and boredom because I was allowed to attempt to plan for myself and decide what best filled Camie's day. But now knowing that mundane is the day to day TEMPORARY earthly life in light of Him, knowing that He wants to fill my day with divine events, knowing that He wants me, period; that is enough to excite me into an anticipatory state of being. I am not here forever, and He is worth my every second's devotion.

He is that glorious. He is that good.

 

 

discipleship: "do-ology" & differences

This past week I was allowed the privilege to worship with some of the dearest people I know as well as thousands of students from all over the US. The conference we were a part of is called SOAR, and the message this year was about discipleship. Looking back I am confounded by the intricate workings of God in my life and the lives of others involved in this past week's events. He had already been preparing us days (ok, weeks. and even years!)  for what was to come this past week. He formed relationships through mutual friends, through generations of being discipled, through long distance communication, and even through a few hours of worshiping corporately together so that a three day conference could take place. For His Glory!!! He wove stories so deep in my heart of His truth being lived out in faithful consistency that I will not forget them. And very specifically in my life, He has opened my eyes and my heart to some change I need to embrace.

#1: "Do-ology" -  I heard it said once that in following God, it's not a person's theology that is weak. It's their "do-ology". I have to say that I strongly disagree with this man. We 'DO' because we believe. We don't 'DO' because we don't believe. This is a point that God has really been driving home with me through His word and His wisdom in the words of others. If we really believe that God is (insert whatever adjective), then we live accordingly. Doubting that what He has said is true produces disobedience. So, HELLO! Doubting and not knowing = weak theology. Weak theology = no action, inconsistency, laziness, lack of desire, etc... That may offend you, but that is Truth. If God's plan for me is discipleship, I want it. And I want it God's way. I'm learning that people who are passionate about TRULY wanting what God wants will stop at no ends to get it. They sacrifice their time to meet consistently in small groups and with a mentor and with an accountability partner to know God more. They leave no stone unturned when it comes to honesty and confession. But the biggest thing is that IT TAKES TIME. Inconsistent, flaky, half-hearted, lukewarm attempts at discipleship will not do. God wants hot or cold. No inbetween. 

One of the heads of SOAR, Steven Carroll, shared a story with me about his wife's desire to be discipled. For so long she prayed for a godly woman, and for so long, none were found. Then one day, from nowhere came Kathy Fields.  I believe that discipleship is God's plan. I believe that He will provide a godly woman who really wants to meet with me. And I look forward to the day when I get to tell you about my Kathy Fields.

#2. Differences - Let me just start off by praising God for having the honor of calling some of His most amazingly gifted children my best friends. Remembering them overwhelms me because of the slew of talent that is found among them. And being so close to people makes it SO hard not to compare. But honestly, sometimes in my amazement and marvel, I can't stop looking at their talent instead of looking back to their Creator in praise. Then insecurity and jealousy and envy creep in. And the people that I love so dearly, Satan intends for me to hate. And the people that God wants for friendship and accountability in my life, Satan wants to use to make me feel lonely and inadequate. The Truth is each and every one of them is better than me at A LOT of things. And that is the way God has woven it.  PRAISE GOD that I can't cook and play the guitar like Steve. PRAISE GOD that I can't arrange flowers like Tate. PRAISE GOD that I can't walk and lead in the humility of Aaron. PRAISE GOD that I don't have the charisma of Jake. PRAISE GOD I can't sing in the stratosphere like Kim. PRAISE GOD that I don't have a compassionate heart like Jenna. And honestly this list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. But I am so moved to worship God for our differences. Satan does not have the power to hold me with his lies. We look different. We sound different. But through God, we can all love the same. So I glory in Him for our differences. I glory in Him for our weaknesses. Cause when we are weak, and when we are different, HE is made much of.

Soli Deo Gloria

even MORE makings

Here are a few other things I've been creating the past few days. Everything is for sale except for the silver and turquoise necklace. So sorry. It's my fav! If you would like to purchase, please visit camieallison.etsy.com!!! Let me know what you think.

vitalize publicity photos

Displayed below are a few interiors and pieces of furniture and decor that I've worked. Take note that the interior walls that were painted were crooked, heavily textured mortar and lath walls in a 1920's home. Also note that the wall joints are NOT straight. All finished lines on ceilings and corners were free-handed.

vocation inspiration

I've been dragging my heels on starting a small business lately for all the obvious reasons that I'm sure you'd guess. So, today I'll begin taking publicity pictures of some of my work for

 Vitalize: Painting and Repurposing. "Bringing the life you've always wanted to your home."

 Most of the pictures will be of my own home and the interior painting I did (along with my husband and his parents' help) as well as some furniture I have stripped, refinished, repainted, and repurposed. I hope to add more pictures in the next few days of my girlfriends' house that she and I painted. Business cards will be printed in a week or two once my cellphone plan is changed to an Illinois number. So, keep an ear to the ground because more is on the way!

i am undone.

This afternoon I finished reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love. I've been left undone per God's word through Francis. To be challenged and left unchanged is to not desire God. I pray my life, not merely my words, reveals change.

I would consider this book a must-read because the change in lifestyle that it suggests is a must-have. I've also compiled several different lists of books that I hope you would consider delving in to!

heartache and hope

God points to nature and says, "take care of it." Nature points to God and says, "Be aware of Him! No one else is greater." My heart aches for the oily disaster in the Gulf. Beautiful awe-inspiring creation is now devastated by a life-taking swamp of petroleum. I'm learning that when my heart is on the brink of discouragement because of the now, I am to remind myself of the future. Though the battle is apparent in a very physical way on creation, it is and always will be spiritual at its core.

This is my Father’s world

O let me ne’er forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong, 

God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world: 

the battle is not done.

Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

"out of the habit"

     Easily for the last month or so, I've been in one of the most apathetic states of my life. Complacency was my leprosy. And I find it very ironic that around the beginning of these days unfolding I had written this quote in my journal:

a lifestyle of believing God makes you bolder in your love for others and in what you can believe God for in their lives. -beth moore

     Now let me expound on the irony. Instead of grasping on to that truth and letting it soak in to be lived out, I very harshly rejected it. Subconsciously I honestly thought that in my months of living in a new place feeling as though not much has prospered, why should I try to love others who don't want to love me? I need a job, but no one has contacted to even say I'm under or over qualified. If I'm offered a job, can I even accept knowing all the places I'll be traveling to this year? And where are the friendships that really go deep? I knew I needed help living in and extending the mercy and grace God had shown me. But I SHO NUF did not want to even try. Goodness, my selfishness and arrogance was (and is and will be, I'm sure) absolutely suffocating.
     So I simply muddled through those passing days crying out here and there for God to meet the needs that I thought were important. All the while He was setting the stage to meet the needs that were essential to our relationship's vitality. (Hebrews 8.12) Well that was around the end of April. So at the beginning of May, and only a page later in my journal, I proceeded to ask for consistency in my life. (James 1.26-27) Guess what? Didn't come. That was May 4th. Then I found myself on May 27th laying in my bedroom floor listening to music re-reading my journal realizing how pathetic I thought I'd become, only to realize later that I've always been. I'm not consistent. I don't remember things I've learned. I've forgotten who God is and what He is all about. (head vs. heart ...) I was becoming exactly who I never wanted to be.
     Then God rocked my world. On the day marking 25 years since my birth, I had a new fresh breath of life breathed into my lungs. I had the privilege of delving into the Word with friends and fellow worshippers at FBC Rogers while being taught God's glorious truths by my 'faja' and pastor Wes George. I will simply bullet the rest and let you tie your own conclusions together. It shouldn't be that hard. But I hope this hits you anew as it did me!

• growth and grace should continue in the life of the redeemed.
• salvation is the PROCESS (it takes time y'all) by which God redeems His creation. (justification, sanctification, glorification) It is rooted in His Character. It is all about Him. (Rom. 3.21-25; Is 64.6; Eph. 2.1-2)
• the problem is realizing how needy we are. we need Jesus to live out his purpose through us, redeeming fellowship w/ God for HIS glory. (Mk. 10.45; Lk. 19.10; Jn 1.29)
• faith is NEVER intellectual ascent or historical acknowledgment.
• i MUST keep reminding myself of my former days. (Hebrews 10.32-39) i was enlightened! i was brought out of darkness into Marvelous light when i came to know Christ.
• i have and will endure sufferings. there was a time when i was willing to suffer for the cause of Christ. It didn't matter what everybody else thought. i need to remember that.
• i need to stop crying and start asking myself, ' what does God want to teach me through this today?'
• i HAVE to remember or else i will drift (like i did for daaaaays!). HERE'S THE KICKER PEOPLE: KNOWING what i'm SUPPOSED to do and NOT DOING IT is WILLFUL SINNING!!!
• care has to go beyond emotion to action and activity, even when it costs me.
• i need to remind myself of the future. my life is about the King and His Kingdom!
• have confidence in GOD.
• i didn't get "out of the habit." i quit believing God. (James 1.6) faith doesn't allow doubt to keep me from obeying. abiding in faith perserves me. (Heb 2.3-4 = Rom. 10.37)

whew. all of that in one day. God does speak.

the how's and why's

The time spent contemplating blogging has been far too long. Decisions have become such time consuming things for me! But despite the fact that I wrestled with so many points of contention, I can honestly say I believe this was a decision well-made.
I like to write and more specifically journal. However, I've fallen way behind in the hand-written area, while spending more time emailing. I'm also not a huge fan of posting my every moments' emotion on a facebook status, although there are times when I need to write and communicate my thoughts with people I know (and love dearly) who live miles away. So, to make an incredibly long story short, blogging will suffice my need to journal and communicate. And after 25 years of life and ten months of marriage, I have a few things to write about.
So, here we go ...